Every time I talk to a medical person about an appointment Rukai needs due to DS I want to glue my ears shut with chewing gum.
It's innocuous I'm sure. They mean nothing by it, I'm sure. But this one referred to the doctor who leads the 'syndromes clinic'.
Good lord, that word is so negative. It's so ugly. It's so limiting and smacks of low expectations. It just makes me want to jump in the shower and scrub it off. Is this how I'm going to react every time?
How many other words will I add to that list before he's a year old? How many lumps in my throat will I have to choke back? How many tears will escape anyway? How will I ever be strong for him when some days I find it so hard to be strong for myself?
I want to pound my fists. I want to throttle someone. I want to curl up in a ball. I want to go back to before he was born, when we didn't know. When everything was still ok.
And then I look at him sleeping off his breakfast.
Just nestled in like any normal baby. Just snoring away like mama. My little angel boy. My squidge.
Damn this is hard. If love could cure 'syndromes'. If only.